I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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