My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
