Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
