Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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