So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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