if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
