If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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