You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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