I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
