my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
