I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
