I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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