let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
