My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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