Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
