If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
