I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
