so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's the barista slut.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
