I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
