doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
from now on my penis is your penis
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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