as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
