Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
