he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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