You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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