Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
