I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
