he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
