Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
