GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
