So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
