No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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