Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
