Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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