you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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