I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
