You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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