Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
