I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
