shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
