so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
