i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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