you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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