I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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