Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
