Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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