hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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