barbara walters just said penis...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
