dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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