I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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