Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
