We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
