So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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