So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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