I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
