Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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