it's too hot outside to masturbate.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
