There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i came on her dog
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
