So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
