This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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