Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
