im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
