Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The adults are the big ones right?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
