i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
