im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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