I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize