you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
