Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
