my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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