My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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