You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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